Every Team Needs a Coach
It seems peculiar to me that many new mothers are reluctant to ask for help when they get home from the hospital or that new fathers think they are limited to “diaper patrol”. A life changing experience has just occurred and yet some mothers feel that they must still go it alone, especially when it comes to breastfeeding. Granted, it is about the mother, the breast, and the baby but fathers play a very crucial role in coaching the mother-baby team towards breastfeeding success.
All professional athletes have coaches. Even amateur athletes have them. Mothers-to-be have labor coaches who are there by their side for the pregnancy, labor, and birth. So why wouldn't mothers keep those they deemed worthy enough to be with them for these special moments by their side for breastfeeding? Many think it's supposed to be simple or natural and don't expect complications to arise, and then when they do it is not easy to face the challenge alone. Mothers may think that the inner circle is just them and their child but fathers also need to be included in achieving the goal of breastfeeding. Here are a few ways that the father/partner/coach can do just that.
Know the benefits of breastfeeding. Supporting the new mother means you are convinced that the breast is best for your baby. Read books, browse the web, talk to friends who have helped other moms breastfeed successfully. Especially in those first sleepless days after the birth, you can't rely on just one person to remember everything, so you need to know what you are talking about in order to be a helpful resource.
- Reassure and encourage. Mothers will feel more confident in their feeding decision if they feel supported. It's not just about telling her how important this is; it's about creating a positive environment so she can thrive. Talk and share feelings about what she's going through. Be the buffer between her and others who make unsupportive or inappropriate comments about breastfeeding.
- Help with the household chores. This might sound obvious but it is important enough to mention. Laundry piles up, groceries need to be bought, meals prepared and dishes washed, not to mention errands to pick up last minute items of whatever you realize the baby needs and you don't have. The warm meals and folded clothes mean mom isn't anxious about everything that needs to get done and can focus on the baby. If you can't get it all done, find someone else to help fill the gaps.
- Help with the actual breastfeeding. Breastfeeding means mothers need to be comfortable. Grab her an extra pillow, pull down the shades, put on some soothing music or get her some water (nursing moms get thirsty!) and you will find a more relaxed mom. You can also check the baby's latch and positioning since mom may not be able to see it from her angle. Suggest an alternate position if she looks too uncomfortable. If the baby is breastfeeding well and 4 to 6 weeks have passed, give mom time to pump milk so you can give the baby a bottle allowing her some much needed free time.
Coaches build on strengths in order to help achieve goals. Not only will mothers feel more confident in their ability to breastfeed, they will also feel validated that they are on the right path; fathers will reap the rewards of a solid team through enhanced family dynamics which will last a life time.
I hope you don’t mind that I linked to this post on my blog. This is great stuff, and I know that my husband was an integral part in making breastfeeding work for our family. He still is! Thanks for all you do to raise breastfeeding awareness!
I liked your post but you were missing something in the role of the father. Your post suggests that dad is a good helper, that he can manage household chores and get mom a glass of water or pillow as she needs them, but you miss out on the true value of the father in breastfeeding, you missed that fact that he can actually be a breastfeeding coach.
When I teach breastfeeding I say that everyone has a job to do.
Mom- puts the baby in the Kitchen, so to speak.
Baby- Takes the breast into his mouth and sucks and swallows until satisfied
The Health care professional – makes sure everyone is safe and teaches as needed.
Dad – He does my job when they go home. His job is to learn all about breastfeeding, to assess the latch and milk transfer, to reassure and protect mom and baby from harmful influences. He is not there to fetch and carry, he is there to coach and help. He’s an active member of the breastfeeding team, much more important than the lactation consultant.
I never suggest dad feed EBM while mom pumps, because so many of us feel that dads need the opportunity to feed the baby to get close to the baby and bond. When we do that we downplay dad’s importance in the family. The baby only eats about six hours a day; the other 18 hours of the day are used for loving and bonding. Dad’s have tools that mom does not, particularly the Adam’s Apple which adds bass to his voice and makes a rhythmic vibrating chest wall that babies go GA GA over. Whenever the baby isn’t feeding he can go skin to skin on dad’s chest and dad can talk to him or sign, or read a newspaper, or talk to mom or friends, it doesn’t matter – as long as he’s soft and reassuring in his voice. Babies LOVE THAT! And a dad gets to use his tools and isn't relegated to the fetch and carry work.
When we give dad a job to do, it should be fun work, not work. Babies take a lot of work that is sure, and that work needs to be evenly divided between both parents. How much does dad how to look forward to when you tell him, “Oh Dad, there are lots of things for you to do to be involved in your baby’s life. You can change diapers, and get mom water, and prop her with pillows, isn’t that fun?” Of course not!
Make dad an actual helpful member of the team, not just an errand boy.
Tom Johnston
Midwife
Lactation Consultant
Father of 6 (with #7 coming in the fall)