The following article was written by Beverly Morgan and Hilary Jacobson of MOBI Motherhood International. This extraordinary organization was the focus of a recent post on baby gooroo®.

By Beverly Morgan and Hilary Jacobson

Born to be Breastfed

Breastfeeding was “out of fashion” for a few generations in Westernized cultures. But thanks to organizations such as La Leche League International and the Australian Breastfeeding Association, as well as countless grass roots efforts, the trend away from breastfeeding was reversed. By the end of the 20th century, breastfeeding advocates had done a good job of selling moms on the benefits of breastfeeding. Where a few decades earlier most moms in the US did not even consider breastfeeding, many mothers now assumed that they would breastfeed. They understood that breastfeeding was a normal, natural, and important part of parenting. They did not anticipate problems-after all, they had been told that “every mother can breastfeed.”

One such mother was Susan Chick, the founder of MOBI Motherhood Intl. Susan gave birth to her first child in 1997. She was among the many mothers who planned an unmedicated natural birth and to breastfeed. Yet within a couple months of Seth’s birth, he was bottle-fed. In the face of an incomplete milk supply, growing postpartum depression, grief over the cesarean birth she’d had in place of the natural birth she’d envisioned, and with a baby who adamantly refused to breastfeed, Susan put her dream of breastfeeding aside.

Susan’s experience was not uncommon. Some mothers encounter extreme breastfeeding difficulties. Breastfeeding advocates had turned the tide by creating positive expectations, but the structure to support willing mothers, especially those encountering difficulties, was not yet in place. Even today, when a mother does not achieve her breastfeeding goals, she often feels alienated and alone.

Efforts to keep the benefits of breastfeeding in the mainstream can have a darker side. One mother in Austin, Texas shared her reaction the first time she saw a billboard designed by the Ad Council as part of a national breastfeeding awareness campaign. Large white letters on a black background proclaimed, Babies were born to be breastfed. The message was a painful reminder of her personal struggle with breastfeeding. She was reduced to tears.

The mantra of Babies were born to be breastfed rings hollow for the mamas who have come up empty trying to move heaven and earth in an effort to make breastfeeding work in the face of extreme situations.

Susan Chick joined the International Cesarean Awareness Network (ICAN) in 1997 as part of her grieving and healing process. There she met other mothers who had had disappointing births. Many had also had difficulty with breastfeeding. Through ICAN’s online community, Susan met Rebecca and then Roxanne, two other women who had tried but failed to breastfeed. On February 14, 1998, an online community, MOBI (Mothers Overcoming Breastfeeding Issues) was launched. Susan recalls, “Upset by our experiences, we found comfort in knowing we were not alone.”

At first mothers shared their anger, disappointment, grief, and fear. They felt betrayed by the breastfeeding community that told them “every woman can breastfeed.” They shared bitter disappointment in their own bodies and fear that there was something wrong with them or their babies. Over time, something magical happened. The women who had come to grieve and vent turned their energies towards supporting the women who were still trying to breastfeed.

A Global Online Village

The mothers listened, empathized, gave cyber hugs, and offered advice. They made it clear that their advice was not meant to replace the advice of doctors or IBCLCs but was based on their own experiences. The seasoned mothers listened to the new mothers. They shared knowledge, directed mothers to online articles, and encouraged them to think carefully about their choices. Amazingly many breastfeeding relationships were saved, and an environment was created in which struggling mothers could learn and heal together.

The women formed a community comprised of women who had reluctantly abandoned breastfeeding, women who achieved exclusive breastfeeding, and women who were struggling to fashion a breastfeeding relationship or a breastmilk feeding relationship. Word spread! From that small beginning hundreds of English-speaking women from around the world became a part of the MOBI community.

MOBI Moms

MOBI became a non-profit organization in 2005. Members can participate in a variety of online discussion groups, while visitors can access articles on a wide range of topics. To access a discussion group, a moderator will determine if a mother is best helped by MOBI or if there is another online resource that would be a better fit. The typical MOBI mom has numerous breastfeeding challenges. Gina’s and Nikki’s stories follow.

GINA: The following post titled, “I added it up,” was written when Gina’s youngest child was 6 months and her oldest child was 12 years. Gina used a supplemental nursing system (SNS) with each of her five children.

“I woke up this morning feeling down. I get up twice during the night to pump. I also pump after each nursing as much as I can during the day. It can be so mentally draining to pump and pump and yet get very little yield. When I pump at 4 am (for 45 minutes) I get between 1 and 2 ounces and that is my biggest yield for a 24-hour period. All my other pumpings yield 1/4 to 1/2 ounce. I always take what I get and add it to the bottle from my nighttime pumpings and then use it in the SNS late in the afternoon.

In a 24-hour period with 4 or 5 pumping sessions I am lucky to get 2 to 3 ounces total. My hubby wonders why I keep it up (sometimes so do I LOL) but I have always said if I can replace just one ounce of formula with mother’s milk (MM) in the SNS then it is worth it. But still, this morning I woke up feeling a bit down. I only got 1 ounce at my am pumping-1 ounce after sitting in the dark hooked up to the pump for 45 minutes. It can be so discouraging. So I decided to go back through my records (kept since January 24th when I started to pump again after our move) and add up all those 1/4, 1/2, and 1 ounces, and to my surprise, it all equaled 151 ounces!!! Well over a GALLON of extra MM in my little guy. WOW picture that. Over a whole gallon full of precious, protective, and PERFECT mother’s milk! YIPPIE!!!! That really encourages me to keep going. The little bits really do add up. All the extra milk wouldn’t have been in my little guy if I hadn’t sat and pumped and saved every drop. Anyway, I just wanted to share that. I know there are other moms on the board who save and use all those 1/4, 1/2, and 1 ounces. Keep up the good work mamas. It really does add up!”

NIKKI: Nikki breastfed her firstborn without any difficulty. Her second child was another story. Keagan’s inability to breastfeed effectively led to his refusal to breastfeed at all.

“Part of Keagan’s personality is cautiousness and not being flexible. It’s tough for me, but it has helped to remind myself that repetition is about laying a foundation. I tell myself that if the breastfeeding relationship is important, I must be dedicated to laying a solid, well-built foundation. Trust is nothing to mess with for this baby. He’s had a rough time. This self-talk is helpful when I just want to coax him onto the shield. It’s not time yet. For right now we need to continue to work on “bottle nursing” until it is a natural thing for him to do and there is no resistance there. We have been working (still) on getting back to breastfeeding and I am pleased to report that we are making some real progress. It is really amazing to me to find that my baby is 6 months old now. I, and friends, family, and health professionals are stunned that I am still trying. I have however, come to a place of redefining success as meeting smaller goals in a timeline that looks more like months than days or weeks, which is a big deal for me personally as I am generally very driven and somewhat goal oriented. Everything about Keagan’s pregnancy and birth has taught me otherwise and it’s been a real paradigm shift.

I continue to “bottle nurse” (bottle under arm next to bare breast) and Keagan has been rooting through clothes. I feel that his nursing at this point is not an IF but a WHEN that will progress sloooowly through a series of steps. He was evaluated last week by a social worker from an early intervention program. In all areas of development, except feeding, he looks more like an 8-12 month old, but scores like a 0-3 month old in feeding. The good news is that the oral aversion and sensory confusion seem to be related only to his birth and not a more complex or lifelong problem. I am sad that it could have been avoided but grateful that it is mostly behind us, pragmatically speaking. He has made great improvements in state control, sensory integration, and is a much happier baby. The social worker was so affirming of what I’ve done and continue to do, I could barely keep from tearing up. I admitted to her that I had expected her to belittle my intentions and possibly be irritated at having her time wasted over “breastfeeding difficulties in a 6-month old.” Nothing could be further from the truth. Out of her mouth came every single reason for why it is a positive thing to continue offering Keagan a breastfeeding relationship.

A good day, but I still have questions about what to do next. I want to make sure I have a reasonable plan and am informed in making these difficult decisions. Without this group I’d be lost. There are so many opinions and I have learned not to assume that health professionals know everything.”

A Safe Place

For some women, breastfeeding is not central to their mothering. For others, breastmilk and breastfeeding are at the very core of their being. The first time they purchase formula, the first time it touches their baby’s lips, the first time they have to use a bottle in public, are all painful moments that they may relive long after their child is past the age of weaning. Being hooked up to a breast pump in the dark of night to express whatever milk the body will yield brings its own sadness. Having a place to go to share your pain with sisters who you know will not judge you harshly can bring a measure of comfort for many of these moms. MOBI provides a nurturing place stretching beyond boundaries to foster mother-to-mother synergy.