Two-thirds of Mothers Just Plain Bad
November 15, 2007 by Heidi Green | 4 questions or comments
credits: iStockphoto
That’s what you might conclude if you’ve spent any time in some of the more popular online parenting forums. Parents who post about breastfeeding on the boards seem to agree: Mothers who love their babies, exclusively breastfeed them. Mothers who don’t breastfeed are bad.
Yet according to recently-released data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), two-thirds of mothers are not breastfeeding their three-month-old babies.
It is true: Breastfeeding has been fantastic for me and my babies. It has improved their health and mine, in all of the important ways you hear about on the evening news. I am thrilled every time I hear about another benefit of breastfeeding, including lower risks of allergies, diabetes, obesity, and so much more. I am glad to be providing them with the absolute best nutrition available. And I am ecstatic that my breastfeeding babies miss out on the colds and infections of the winter season (even as their father and I are sniffling and coughing).
But the health benefits of the milk itself are not the only reasons why I have chosen to breastfeed my babies. I do it for what I can only think to call the “parenting benefits,” too. I enjoy the personal satisfaction I get from nourishing healthy, happy babies from my body. Plus, I am the first to admit that I can be a type-A person living a somewhat hectic life. Breastfeeding ensures that I take time to focus on the littlest, least vocal member of our family. In that way, those breastfeeding breaks are as important to me as they are to baby. (And no, my husband isn’t being deprived of “his” time with the baby. I asked him.) And what a valuable tool breastfeeding can be during those rough vaccination-heavy doctor visits! I don’t know who it calms more—the baby or me.
We all know the other benefits of breastfeeding, too: the cost savings, the convenience, etc. I have been known to wonder aloud: “I don’t know why any woman would choose not to breastfeed her baby.”
Honestly, I still don’t know. But what I do know is that breastfeeding is a poor indicator for a mother’s love. Formula-feeding is not automatically a sign of a bad mother. (Nor is breastfeeding necessarily a sign of a good mother.)
Breastfeeders, formula-feeders, listen up: We’re all mothers here. It’s time to stop the in-fighting and put a rest to the name-calling and mother-hating.
I can think of several women I know who didn’t breastfeed their babies at all. I can think of even more who just didn’t manage to breastfeed their babies as much as they had originally planned. All of these mothers love their babies very much, maybe as much as I love mine.
The decision about what and how to feed one’s child is an intensely personal one. Let’s respect that. Let’s do all we can to support the mothers we know to breastfeed their babies (on an individual level as well as a community level). After all, we all know that breastfeeding is best. But let’s not crucify those mothers if breastfeeding doesn’t happen.
also on babygooroo:
Amy details a seminar on how human feeding behavior compares with that of other mammals, explores one of the health benefits of breastfeeding, and presents the Healthy People 2010 breastfeeding goals.
“The decision about what and how to feed one’s child is an intensely personal one. Let’s respect that.”
in my case, I respect the fact that it is a often a personal choice not just for one person but two: mom and dad. As a father, I took great pleasure in feeding my children, an experience I wrote abut here. I think I would have missed out if my wife breastfed.
I’m thrilled that you enjoy such a close relationship with your daughter. The lessons you mention learning are important ones that all parents should learn.
Now, I don’t believe that these lessons are attached to the act of feeding the baby.
But it seems worth noting here that breastfeeding and dads-feeding-babies are not mutually exclusive. Of course dads can’t breastfeed, but they can bottle-feed the mother’s milk. Some women hand-express or pump their milk specifically so their partners can feed the babies. Some dads feed their babies after their partners return to work and the babies need to be bottle-fed in mom’s absence.
My favorite option for how parents can balance the responsibility for feeding their babies was explained by a leading pediatrician. He suggested that parents view feeding during the first 6 months (the time of exclusive breastfeeding) as being primarily the mothers’ responsibility and the start of solids as being primarily the fathers’.
There are lots of other ways dads — and moms — can experience closeness with their babies in the meantime.
I agree. As you point out there are lots of other ways to get close - depends on the fathers involved. I’m probably unusual.
And it’s nice to know that breastfeeding isn’t necessarily an either/or thing, or a mom vs. dad thing. since there seem to be some important benefits from it.
My husband is very supportive of my breastfeeding and often seems to “glow” when watching me feed our 18 month old son. However, my son IS incredibly attached to me and doesn’t seem to want anything at all from my husband except a bit of rough and tough play time and boat and car rides…he also like to work around the house with the tools. But, when it comes to sleeping, feeding and general comforting it’s all mamma. I’m sure that I also have played a big part of this since I’ve always just felt that I understood our little guy without even any apparent communication…breastfeeding and attachment parenting 24 hours a day, together with that motherly instinct that I believe so much in, just seems to leave out pappa’ sometimes. On the other hand, every family is different but, for me, the above-described relationship is kind of a work of nature. I don’t insinuate that there isn’t room for adaptation but, generally, I think that young children are meant to be attached to their mother for survival purposes and protection and that the “Man” will teach him the ways of the world. For the record, my husband is a very committed diaper changer! No disrespect intended…just respect.