My brother was, in his toddler years, the King of Temper Tantrums. He would throw himself on the ground and scream himself silly. He would hold his breath until he passed out. It was scary for our mom, and it was scary for me. Now, I can see that it must have been scary for him, too.

No one likes temper tantrums. Not the people who witness them. Not the parents whose children throw them. And not the children, whose powerful emotions surface in such a fiery, powerful, and, yes, scary way.

But everyone goes through them. Or nearly everyone. The good news is that they are a perfectly normal part of childhood. The bad news is that many parents feel surprised by tantrums and ill-equipped to deal with them when they happen.

That’s why articles such as those by Dr. Patrick S. Pasquariello, Jr., of the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, the UK’s Kids Development site, and WebMD are so helpful. Such pieces typically lay out the basics, from ways to avoid a meltdown, to how to calm a tantruming child, to signs that indicate the need for professional help.

So, parents, here’s the scoop. Tantrums typically begin between the ages of 1 and 4. They range from mild (crying, whining) to severe (hitting, kicking, screaming). They’re usually caused by feelings of frustration, a desire for independence, and unmet physical and emotional needs. Other common causes include: hunger, thirst, being tired, and stress.

To avoid a tantrum:

• Enable your child to have a sense of control. Give him a couple of options and let him choose. For example, let him select which cereal he wants or what clothes he wants to wear.
• Use the “10-minute warning.” Let your child know what is going to happen before it happens, so he doesn’t feel blind-sided.
• Catch your child being good. Praise your child for good behavior. Your remarks shouldn’t be elaborate, but they should recognize his effort.
• Consider a compromise. If you know your child will have expectations that you are unwilling to meet, head him off at the pass with an alternative idea. Maybe you don’t get him a cookie at the bakery, but you let him pick out a fruit in the produce section.
• Choose age-appropriate activities. If your child tends to get frustrated by his inability to complete a task, don’t set him up for failure. As Pasquariello suggests, “make sure your child masters simple tasks before moving on to more challenging ones.”

To respond to a tantrum:

• Ignore it. Tell your child you will speak to him when the screaming stops.
• Don’t give in. Although it may seem easier to give in and end the tantrum—especially if it is an uncomfortable, public tantrum—doing so will only reinforce the behavior in the future.
• Distract your child. Move to another room or begin playing with a toy the child likes. Sometimes, he may just need the opportunity to transition out of his tantrum.
• Know your child: hug or clear. Especially if he may harm himself or another, wrap your arms around your child and hold tightly. If your child doesn’t respond to this, back off—but clear the immediate area of dangerous objects he may flail into.
• Do not hit. Never, ever hit or spank your tantruming child.
• Talk about it. After the tantrum, when your child is calm again, take the opportunity to talk to him. Let him know acceptable ways for expressing his strong feelings and how he can stay calm when he feels like having a tantrum in the future.
• Keep an eye out for the warning signs.

Finally, don’t expect a miracle. Just because you tell your child how he should act in the future, don’t expect that will happen the very next time he feels a tantrum coming on—or the time after that. It takes time for all of us to learn new skills, and learning to control strong emotions is a tall order for most children. But have heart: It will happen, eventually. Most children do grow out of tantrums. My brother did (I am relieved to say). Hang on! It’s a bumpy ride, but it won’t go on forever.