Imagine you’re pregnant. You’ve read the research, you know all about the health benefits of breastfeeding—and you’re determined to do what it takes to ensure that your bundle of joy joins the ranks of breastfed babies!

Congratulations, your baby has arrived! You’re a new mother! (Remember those days?) Unfortunately, the news isn’t all good. You’ve found that you are unable to breastfeed your baby. You don’t want your bundle of joy to miss out. What can you do?

According to a new statement recently released by the United States Breastfeeding Committee (USBC), there’s only one choice: pasteurized donor human milk procured from one of the eleven members of the Human Milk Banking Association of North America (HMBANA). It is “only through the careful practices of HMBANA member milk banks” that you can be “assured that donor human milk is safely obtained and properly handled.”

Now, I love HMBANA. A few years ago, I even dedicated quite a bit of effort to attempts to start a human milk bank in my region. (I felt there must be a better use for the hundreds of ounces of unused milk I’d pumped for my first son, and I knew I wasn’t the only one with extra milk on-hand. Long story short, there seems to be interest among health care professionals, but no organizational support here. Yet.)

But the idea that HMBANA is the only safe source of human milk seems like a bit of an overstatement to me. (I am reminded of my mother’s words, during my childhood, to be careful of all-encompassing statements.)

Imagine the following: you are a new mother who is unable to provide the milk her baby needs. You’ve come to my house. You’ve seen my healthy, thriving, breastfed baby. You know that I’m in good health myself and that my doctor has given me the appropriate screening tests. You also know that I have a stash of milk in my freezer that I won’t be using. I’ve offered it to you. After all, I know that my son won’t need it. And human milk is made for human babies, right? In other words, if the milk in my freezer is safe for my baby, it’s safe for yours, too, right?

I understand that USBC needs to write population-level policies and be concerned with issues of liability. But in spite of their recommendations, it is a sure thing that some parents will continue to share milk. (MilkShare, an informational resource and Yahoo! group set up for this purpose has 1300 members; it has had roughly 16,000 since its inception in January 2006.) As Dr. William Sears points out, “This is not a back-to-nature, hippie-type movement. It’s what savvy moms who know the science are doing to ensure that their baby is getting the best.”

I wish there were an HMBANA-approved milk bank in every city and town. I wish that the milk banks received loads of donations, so that they didn’t need to prioritize recipients and maybe turn relatively healthy babies away. I wish they received ample public funding so that they didn’t need to charge $3.50 to $4.00 per ounce. But these are the barriers that a parent seeking HMBANA-processed milk might face: a lack of available milk banks, a lack of available milk, high cost.

USBC cannot recommend this, but it is my opinion that if you cannot breastfeed your baby and you can find a healthy, responsible mother to provide the milk—as with all other parenting decisions—use your judgment. If you decide to accept donor milk, you may want to consider the following suggestions:

• Talk with your doctor about lifestyle. Discuss drugs, alcohol, smoking, and hygiene.

• Discuss any medications your donor is taking. Some medications are ok; some are not. Check with your health care provider.

• Find out about screening. Milk banks require that donors be screened for HIV 1 & 2, hepatitis B & C, syphilis, and HTLV 1 & 2.

• Consider pasteurizing the milk. You can use a home pasteurizer or a simple flash-heating method (put the container of milk in boiling water for the recommended time and temperature).

• Consider the age of the donor’s nursling compared to your baby. This may have little effect—and the usual option, artificial formula, does not adapt to a growing child’s needs at all—but there may be some benefits to feeding your baby milk that was made for a child roughly the same age.

My friend Dee has used donor milk (some acquired through MilkShare) to feed her twins for the first six months of their lives. Her beautiful, healthy children are living proof that milk sharing can be a safe and beneficial practice.