If you’re like most expectant or new parents, you’ve read countless books on what to do, when to do it, how to do it, and why to do it. And you’ve likely received lots of advice (solicited and unsolicited) from well-meaning family members and friends.

Parenting two sons hardly qualifies me as an expert, but it has taught me an important lesson—while I had anticipated that my children would grow up because of me, the fact is they grew up in spite of me—while I had planned to teach them everything I knew, the fact is I learned more from them than they learned from me.

Breastfeeding was among my early challenges—first as a nurse (helping others), then as a mother (helping myself), and finally as a lactation consultant and health educator. I was raised to believe that more is better than less. So every time I learned more about breastfeeding, I promptly incorporated it into my classes. When I began teaching breastfeeding classes, I offered a single 2-hour class. I clearly recall the first class which lasted 30 minutes—a reflection of how little I knew.

It took only 30 minutes for me to give parents the information they needed to breastfeed effectively (or more importantly to know if breastfeeding was or wasn’t going well). As my knowledge of breastfeeding increased, that single 2-hour class grew into two 2 ½ hours classes. That was before I realized that less is better than more.

The more I learned about breastfeeding, the more I felt the need to share all that I knew with the parents I had the privilege of teaching. I didn’t know it at the time, but learned later, that parents didn’t want (and didn’t need) to know everything I knew—they just wanted to know enough to get by; enough to make breastfeeding work for them; enough to keep their babies healthy and safe. 

Defining ‘Enough’
Parents don’t need to be rocket scientists or parenting gurus to breastfeed. But they do need to know how normal breastfed babies behave. If parents know what to expect the critical first days and weeks after birth, then they will know if their baby is getting enough to eat or NOT and when to seek help.

It’s really quite simple. All babies eat, sleep, poop, pee, cry, and grow, but knowing what breastfed babies do in each of these categories gives parents confidence in their ability to meet their baby’s needs.  If you lump the poop and pee together, that leaves five (5) key bits of knowledge, easily discussed by starting with the questions parents most often ask.

One: Babies Poop & Pee
How often should my baby poop and pee?  What should it look like?

Birth days are unpredictable, with babies born at different times of the day. In the interest of simplicity, it is best to assign day 1 to the day after your baby is born. That being said, parents of exclusively breastfed babies should expect to see 3 stools a day the next 3 days and 4 stools a day the next 4 weeks.

If you combine equal parts of yellow mustard and cottage cheese (1 tablespoon) and a teaspoon of sesame seeds (mix well to stain the cottage cheese and sesame seeds), then add water to create a runny consistency, you can clearly see what breastfed baby poop looks like!

A breastfed baby’s stool is a yellow stain at least the size of your baby’s fist, with or without solid material. The urine or pee is the easy part. Babies that are well-fed urinate a lot, but if you are using disposable diapers, it’s hard to tell if the diaper is wet and even harder to tell how much urine it contains. As long as your baby’s urine is clear or pale yellow in color, you don’t need to be concerned. When babies are underfed, they stop pooping before they stop peeing, so poopy diapers are the best sign that your baby is well-fed.

Two: Babies Eat
How often should my baby breastfeed? How long should a feeding last? How much breastmilk does my baby take at a feeding? When should I introduce solid foods?

Exclusively breastfed babies should eat at least 8 times in a 24-hour period. Many babies will eat 10 to 12 times a day! Some babies breastfeed every 2-3 hours day and night, while others cluster-feed, breastfeeding every hour for three to five feedings and sleeping 3-4 hours between clusters. Some babies breastfeed for 10-15 minutes on each breast, some breastfeed for 15-30 minutes on each breast, and others breastfeed for 15-30 minutes on one breast only. Watch your baby, not the clock. He will tell you when he is hungry and when he is full.

During the first three months of life breastfed babies need about 2½ ounces of milk per pound of body weight each day. For example a 10-pound baby would need 2½ x 10 or 25 ounces a day. You can estimate the size of a single serving by dividing the amount needed each day (25 ounces) by the number of daily feedings (8, 9, 10 etc.). If you divide 25 by 8, a size of a single feeding would be about 3 ounces.

Your milk is all your baby needs for about the first 6 months of life. You will know that you baby is ready for solid foods if he can:

• sit up without support.
• support his head and neck.
• pick up finger foods and put them in his mouth.
• swallow food offered on a spoon without gagging or spitting.

Once your baby shows these readiness signs you can begin by introducing meats (a good source of iron) and soft cooked vegetables (great finger foods).

Three: Babies Cry
Why is my baby crying? What can I do to make him stop?

Babies cry for different reasons. They may be hungry, tired, hot, cold, or sick. They may simply have a wet or poopy diaper, or they may be fussy for no apparent reason. With time you will learn to recognize the meaning of different cries. Until then, try different remedies until you find one that works.

Sometimes babies continue to cry despite every effort. If you feel that you are losing your ability to cope, put your baby in a safe place (crib, bassinet, or play yard) until you are calm. There are reports of babies being shaken to death by parents unable to cope with their baby’s crying. Being a parent 24 hours a day, 7 days a week can be stressful. Taking a shower or bath, listening to music, or eating a healthy snack will help you calm yourself so that you are able to calm your baby.

Four: Babies Sleep
Do I need to wake my baby to breastfeed?  When will my baby sleep through the night? Can I sleep with my baby?

It’s important that newborn babies breastfeed at least 8 times (or more) in each 24 hour period. Frequent feedings ensure that your baby gets enough to eat and that you make ample milk. It’s hard (sometimes impossible) to wake a sleeping baby. If you keep your baby nearby you can watch for early signs of hunger such as wriggling, squirming, sucking on fingers or fists, coughing, and yawning and offer the breast at those times. Crying is the last sign of hunger. If you wait until your baby cries to feed him, he is less likely to breastfeed well and more likely to fall asleep.

Every baby is different, but the age at which your baby will sleep through the night depends in part on your definition of night. Some babies will breastfeed every hour for three or four feedings and then sleep for three or four hours. Others will breastfeed every 2-3 hours day and night. During the first three months of life babies add 1-2 pounds a month. This explains why frequent feedings (day and night) are so important. Your baby will tell you when he is hungry. So watch your baby, not the clock! By six months of age, most babies will sleep six hours (or more) at night.

Babies sleep in lots of different places such as car seats, strollers, and cribs. While some places are safe, others are unsafe, and even safe places can become unsafe, depending on the conditions. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that mothers sleep near their babies but on a separate sleep surface to prevent babies from getting trapped beneath pillows, blankets, duvets, or siblings who wander in during the night! Despite this recommendation, many mothers sleep with their babies for part of the night or the entire night as a means for making it through the night. If you decide for whatever reason to sleep with your baby, it’s important to know how to keep your baby safe.

• Place your baby on his back.  Do not put your baby on his tummy or his side.

• Use only a lightweight cover or blanket or a sleep sack. 

• Do not use comforters, duvets, quilts, or pillows in your baby’s bed.

• Do not let your baby get too hot.

• Use a bed with a firm mattress that fits tight against the bed frame. Do not use bumper pads or waterbeds.

• Do not sleep with your baby on sofas or overstuffed chairs.

• Do not place your baby alone in an adult bed.

• Do not place your baby in an adult bed with older siblings.

• Parents who smoke should not sleep with their baby. Smoking increases the risk of SIDS.  If you must smoke, do not smoke in the house or car or near your baby.

• Parents should not sleep with their baby if they have used alcohol or drugs.

• Parents who are very overweight should not sleep with their baby.

Five: Babies Grow
How much weight should my baby lose in the first days of life? When should my baby be back to birth weight? How much weight should my baby gain in the first weeks/months of life?

Exclusively breastfed babies lose on average five percent of their birth weight. Weight loss typically occurs in the first five days. Most babies are back to birth weight by ten days of age, and gain 4-8 ounces each week for the next three months. Rate of weight gain will slow slightly after three months. Many babies double their birth weight by 6 months and triple it by one year.  If you compare breastfed babies to their formula-fed counterparts at one year of age, they are comparable in terms of height (length) but usually weigh less.  

Putting it all together
Now you have it—five bits of knowledge, that along with a breast, a brain, and a baby are all you truly need to breastfeed. The challenge is applying it in real time!

The rules are simple; there’s only one—FEED THE BABY. Real estate agents clearly know that success hinges on one thing—location, location, location. You can position yourself for breastfeeding success if you position your baby correctly both at and on the breast. When your baby is positioned well, his head, neck, and chest should face the breast. (Think about how you face the table to eat your meals and position your baby the same way.) Your baby’s mouth should be opened wide. His tongue should be over his lower lip between his lower lip and the breast. His lips should roll out like the lips of a fish and lie flat against the breast. His chin should press firmly into the breast.

Sounds easy, right? Wrong.

Making milk is natural. Breastfeeding is a learned skill. And like any new skill, to become an expert, requires patience and practice. So take a deep breath and try to relax.  While breastfeeding lasts a short time, your 18-year (or longer) tour of duty as a parent is about to begin.

For more information on breastfeeding see Breastfeeding, A Parent’s Guide.